A Minneapolis couple
decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They
planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years
earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their
travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on
Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked
into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an
email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email
address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile,
somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's
funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart
attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from
relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and
fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the
floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: October 16, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and
you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and
have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is
as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. - Sure is blistering hot down here!
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.
The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."
God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?"
God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"
And, as is it is written, many thousands of years ago, God created the heavens and earth, the moon and stars and plants and animals of the land and the sea. And God saw that it was good.
Then God created Man whom he named Adam.
Adam was alone at first, but he wasn’t lonely because he had a whole world to discover. Every day for Adam was an adventure, traveling to new places, seeing new plants and finding new animals to learn about. In these first days after creation, all the animals were tame, so Adam walked unafraid with lions and tigers and bears. Bees in their hives brought their sweet nectar to Adam and it was a perfect life.
However, as the days became weeks and the weeks became months, Adam gradually stopped finding new and more wonderful things to see and learn about, but he didn’t mind. He now had time to revisit old places and learn even more about the many wonders around him.
Eventually though, Adam
came to realize that something was missing.
Finally one day, Adam spoke to God and told God that something was wrong. "I
can’t explain it, but it seems like something is missing and no matter how
much I look, I just can’t find it!" Adam explained.
God responded and told
Adam that the problem was simple - Adam was lonely!
God then explained that he had been saving his most perfect creation for
last, had been waiting until Adam was ready to fully appreciate what he was
about to receive.
Woman was the name of God’s final creation, and as God explained to Adam, she would make his life complete. Every day with woman would be a joy and wonder and every night would be bliss.
She would be Adam’s companion, his friend and equal. She would share all that she had, just as Adam would share all that was his with her. And, God added, man and woman together would be far more than either one alone.
Adam was so excited
about hearing this he couldn’t wait and asked God when this most perfect
creation would be complete. Then God explained that there was one small
detail he had left out. In
order to make woman as perfect and wonderful as she could be, God was going
to fashion her from Adam himself. Adam would have to agree to give up both
an arm and a leg.
After considering this startling news, Adam told God that he only wanted a rib’s worth. And we’ve been paying the difference ever since.
When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my sisters though."